Monday, May 3, 2010


Sometimes I don't have the best attitude. It is something that I know and that I am working on. I am the Primary President in my ward, a calling that I love. But sometimes I don't want to go to all of the meetings that come with that calling. This last week we had our Stake Leadership Meeting. I got the invites in the mail a couple of weeks earlier. I carried them in my bag to give to my counselors, but forgot. Then I went to lunch on Tues. with my friend, Paula, who is also Primary Pres. in her ward. She asked me if I was gonna be there on Thurs...I drew a blank and asked her what was on Thurs. She chastised me and told me I had better be there. But that week had been crazy, and that day was even crazier! Dad had knee surgery a few days earlier and had a little infection and was needing more pain meds. I got his antibiotic OK, but because his pain meds were narcotics, I had to get a whole new prescript. Of course his Dr. is in Show Low and was out of the office. I finally got the call to go pick up the prescription and headed to Walmart to get it filled. They told me it would be 1 1/2 hrs. I didn't really have money to shop, so I just browsed and waited patiently...not! When it was time I waited in the long line to pick it up only to be told it would be another hour before it would be ready. Looking at the time, I wasn't sure I was gonna make it back in time for my meeting...but I had a good excuse! Dad needed his pain pills. I was doing service. But I just kept getting this feeling that I needed to get there. After waiting for another hour I had to fight with them to give them to me...with it being narcotics I needed a note from somebody saying it was OK for me to get them?!?! They finally gave them to me and I headed home. Got there just in time to throw on a dress and give Justin instructions on how to finish the dinner I had started earlier (yes, I was at least on the ball that much). I ran to the meeting and sat down with 2 minutes to spare. My mind was still racing from the days events...I still had to get the meds to dad after the meeting, I wonder if Justin did dinner right, did I put on a slip? The meeting started and Pres. Whipple was the first to speak. His talk was on Reverence, based on talks from Elders Packer and Oaks. It was just what I needed. I felt the spirit so strong. He quoted Elder Holland saying, "Reverence always precedes Revelation." And he talked on how it is more than just being quiet, it is an attitude. Another quote was, "How many of us don't get the revelation that we need because of the lack of reverence in our meetings?" As I listened my mind stopped racing, I felt the spirit, and I learned so much. We had a special number and another talk, which were very good and uplifting. Then Pres. Robbi Hancock talked. She told a story about a little family that was facing a challenge and the Mother was having a hard time. Her little girl came in with some roughly cut up papers, crumpled and scribbled on. She showed them to the mom and asked her if she knew what they were? The mother replied that she didn't and the little girl told her, "these are the scriptures and they tell us to TRUST JESUS!" How simple but how strong. I am so thankful for Pres. Whipple's talk on reverence to help me receive revelation. My heart still aches for Ariel, and I still just seem to slide thru the days. The longer it goes the harder it is to keep the faith. And I just needed to be reminded to TRUST JESUS! And to remain steadfast in Christ. It is only thru him that any of us will make it back to our Heavenly Father. He has paid the price for us already. We just have to turn our hearts to him and remain faithful. A few other notes I wrote from that night are: None of us can survive in the world today, much less what it's going to become without personal revelation; We can teach a great lesson, but unless it is received with the Holy Ghost, it won't really be learned; As I have loved you, love one another; We have to be spiritually strong to survive the world around us; Anchor in the scriptures and feast on the word of Christ; The scriptures are a means to the end; Personalize the scriptures and liken them unto us; Scriptures are like letters from home, they help remind you who you are. I needed to hear all of this so much. I am so grateful that I made it to that meeting, and that I was able to reverence my heart and my mind enough that I could receive my personal revelation. And like the question asked earlier, "how many of us don't get the revelation that we need because of the lack of reverence in our meetings?"


OK, I am terrible about blogging lately. I don't know why because I think about it all the time and it is pretty therapeutic. But I just don't take the time to sit down and write like I should.

Lately I have been thinking about how beautiful the days are getting...the sun is up earlier and going down later; even though we have had that nasty wind and still getting a little snow, it is starting to warm up and feel like spring. But something that makes me really happy is that my tulips are blooming! I love tulips. I had planted hundreds of them in my yard in Utah. I looked forward to them blooming every spring. When I start to see their leaves shooting up from the cold, barren dirt it means that spring is coming. I LOVE SPRING!!! I like all of the seasons, the summer sun, the fall colors, the winter snow and holidays...but Spring is my favorite. When winter cold seems to linger on and it seems that everything is dead and drab, then you start to see little sprigs of green poking thru the ground and you know that the earth is about to come alive again. All the baby animals start to be born, the sun starts to shine more and it makes you feel hope and happiness. I love flowers, all flowers...but since tulips are some of the first to come up and bloom, I love them most! They just make me smile. So this last fall I planted over 100 in my flower beds. Who knew that this winter was going to be especially long and hard and that I would need them so much this spring. Everytime I drove away from or back to my house, I would just smile at the long row of tulips in my front flower bed. I was slow getting out and getting pictures and the wind has taken it's tole on them. But they made me smile and cheered my heart. Now that they are starting to fade and die back, my other flowers are starting to shoot up and hopefully it won't be long until they start to bloom also!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass
but learning to Dance in the rain
I saw this quote today and it kinda hit home. As I posted earlier, our little family has had a few storm clouds hanging over us the last few months. Some mornings it has been hard just to get out of bed and face the day. The phone rings and I don't want to answer it, and I don't even want to go to the store or talk to anyone. I have been caught up in my own pain and don't really want to face the world. But that's not what life is about.
I have been caught up in what has been going on with Ariel and my own pain, and haven't really paid much attention to Justin and how he is handling all this. A few weeks ago he had a little melt down and kinda gave me a wake-up call. Something he said to me really hit hard and gave me a little jolt. He said, "there isn't any love in our house anymore. We don't read the scriptures, we don't say family prayers or have family home evening. We need to start doing those things again and it will help us thru this." That is when I realized that I had to get up and get going with life again. It was true. It was hard to do those "family" things when part of our family was missing. It was hard to call everyone together and have an empty spot. But we still have to go on, and we have to pull together...even more now than ever.
When the clouds roll in, the thunder starts and the rains fall...we tend to hole up in our house and hide from the storm. But sometimes the storms move in to stay for a while and we can't just hide away forever. God gives us trials to strengthen us. He knows how much we can handle and sometimes we are pushed to the limit. But he is always there...we just have to reach out to him and use him as our umbrella. We have to count on him for strength to make it thru. God is there and willing to help us, but he expects us to do all we can to help ourselves. I was praying, more than I ever have. But it was a little self-absorbed. I am so thankful to Justin for waking me up and setting me straight. The storm is still here...the tears still pour down every day. But I realize, I can't wait for the storm to pass, I need to learn to get up and dance in the rain.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I know I haven't posted for a while. Life has had a few bumps for us and I guess I didn't know how or what to write about.
You hold your babies when they are little, you look at them and you have all kinds of dreams for them and you can picture just how it is all gonna work out. But then they start to grow up, gain independance, and start making choices for themselves. The hardest thing to realize is that they have their free agency, a God given right; and you just pray that you have taught them and loved them enough to help them make the right choices. But no matter how hard you pray or how much you love them, sometimes they are gonna make choices that don't really fit in for what you have planned for them. Then all you can do is get on your knees and pray that they will find out for themselves the path that will lead them to happiness. That somehow, someday, something that you taught them will spark and that they will realize the need for the gospel truths in their lives.
I will admit that the last few months have been the most humbling, gut wrenching, look deep into your soul, bring you to your knees moments that I have ever faced in my life. It is hard not to wonder why, what didn't I do, what did I miss, what should I have done differently? Everyone tells me that it's not my fault and that I can't blame myself. But it's just hard not to wonder why she is making the choices she is and what I should have done to prevent it.
I know there is a lot of things I could have and should have done differently. But dwelling on the past isn't gonna get us anywhere. Now I just have to continue to get on my knees and pray with everything I have that things will work out. I have no where to turn, but to God, to help us all thru this. I can only love her, more now than ever, and hope that she will see it. We can only continue to pick up the pieces and to press forward, steadfast in Christ, with hope that this will all work out in the end.
Ariel, I love you!

Friday, October 23, 2009


I just had an amazing experience the other day and thought that I would share. It's not that what happened was amazing, it was how things worked that was amazing!
Saul has been working up in Salt Lake for over a month now. He was up there for 2 weeks, came home for a week and has been back up there for almost 3 weeks now. We really miss him and can't wait for him to be home. And since he has been up there, the kids and I have had a bout with the flu. The kids bounced in a few days, but I was in bed for a week straight. I was going so stir crazy and thinking of everything that I needed to get cleaned up, dead flowers cut, spring bulbs planted, canning apples, canning potatoes, finishing my tomatoes...! It was really hard for me to be down in bed and to be missing Saul also. I finally got feeling better on Tuesday, so I got Justin to go up and help pick apples at Nellie's so I could start canning them. Derrik Palmer and Dillon also helped, and we got them all picked in pretty good time. Then Justin & I took mom and went to see "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE", then went for pizza and ice cream. I was loving feeling better. The next morning I woke up at 5:00 am with a sore throat, so I got up to get some Tylenol cold or something to help it. I was thinking..."you have got to be kidding me, I was feeling better!" I couldn't find any meds in the closet where I usually keep them, so I thought I would look in the drawer of my night stand next to my bed. As I opened the drawer, I kinda pivoted and went to set on the edge of my bed. As I did, I felt and heard the loudest POP in my lower back. I just fell to the floor and blacked out in pain! I just laid on the floor, not knowing what to do...the pain was soooo bad. After several minutes of laying there crying, I somehow managed to pull myself onto my bed. I could not use my legs at all without sharp pain radiating through my body! It was too early to call anyone for help, so I just laid there and cried for about an hour. I figured I would use my cell phone to call my home phone to wake Justin up at 6:30. (Ariel is also gone to Indiana on an FFA trip) Justin woke up himself at 6:15, so I hollered out to him to come help me. I was crying and still couldn't hardly even move...he was pretty freaked out. As I laid there I thought about who I could call to come give me a blessing...with Saul gone, I would have to call someone. I knew that David had to be to work about 7:00. Mom & Dad were going to leave about 7:00 to go to a funeral in Ramah, NM. I didn't know for sure what Dennis was doing, but I figured he was my best bet. I called him, sobbing, and he said he would be over in a few minutes. Well, he called my dad, who came on over to help give me a blessing. I felt bad because I knew he would be late for the funeral, if he would make it at all. But they came and comforted and gave me a priesthood blessing. Dennis is the one that gave the blessing, and I was hoping that he would say..."arise and walk, you are healed." But it just doesn't quite work that way...not that it can't, it just usually doesn't. :) He told me that I needed to rest for a few more days and to be patient, and I needed to ask others to help with what I needed. It was a nice blessing and even though it didn't say just what I wanted to hear, I knew it was what I needed to hear. Well, Justin went off to school, Mom & Dad still headed for Ramah, and Dennis left for work. Dennis said to call Audrey and she could take me to the Dr. or get me whatever I need. That is one of my biggest ask for help...I hate it. I called Saul, who freaked out, not being able to be here to help me. Then, I got a phone call from my dear friend, Carol Palmer. She had called me several times while I was sick earlier, and we had talked quite a lot the day before. I figured that since she thought I was feeling better from the flu, she wouldn't call me. But she called and said..."I just had a feeling that I needed to call and check up on you." Amazing! I started crying again and told her what happened. She said that she was just going to call the chiropractor to see if she could get in and she would just see if I could get in also. So, she came and picked me up and off we went...and what a pair we were. Her with her neck pain, pneumonia, and arthritis, and me with my back...we hobbled in together. At least by then the pain had dulled a little and I was able to walk on my own. I got back home, went back to bed and just cried some more. It seemed like everybody...friends and family started calling me. None of them knew what had happened...they were just calling to see how I was doing. And as I cried to each one of them, I felt so comforted. Even though I was in a lot of pain and was not happy at all about my situation, I truly felt the spirit close to me that day and knew that my Heavenly Father was watching over me! And I was feeling so grateful for the great family and friends that I have! I am thankful that with Saul gone, I knew that I had several options of who I could call to help me...even though I hate doing so.
And yes, somehow my parents still made it to the funeral on time. That made me feel better also.